Rants of an Ubersexual Pinoy in These Frugal Times

SCENE 2
GOOD MORNING, DEPRESSION!


Sound of the alarm ringing. Sound of doors creaking. Sound of footsteps stomping. Sound of cars honking.

ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!

I'm awake now.

Darn. I'm awake again after barely two hours of sleep. Being a quasi-vampire, I managed to catch my sleep at the break of dawn (as it is every night). But the hustle and bustle of the city just as always steals me from my dreamy slumber yet again.

FUCK INSOMNIA!

Well now, what the heck?! Might as well do something productive. Like facebooking and twittering perhaps. I don't wanna miss anything on cyberland. Hell, no! Two hours of sleep is like equals to a days load of info about new quizzes, superpoking, online poker, and the endless gossip and blabbering... Oh! Not to mention all my online personalities. Gotta work as a farmer in one game and live the high life as a mafia godfather in another.

I AM FILTHY RICH!

At least the cyber-me is... Come to think of, if I put together all my cyber money and convert it to cash one-is-to-one, I would've been a billionaire. Oh, if only life is as easy as a few clicks of a button...

Unlike in reality... I HAVE NO JOB.

Yes, I am a bum.

But I still am not doing anything about it. It's like I don't know how to put myself together. Instead, here am I in still in bed and in front of my laptop tinkering away. Fat, pimply, and filthy.

Not filthy rich. Just filthy.

YAWN.

Hmmmm... I feel like I'm finally gonna snooozze z z z z z ....

Publish Post

Absofuckinlutely,Post Options
HF

COMING BACK VERY SOON

Ei guys!

Watch out for new, exciting posts. Vacation's over. It's time for work, work, work. And I'll be blogging again.

Absofuckinlutely, xoHF

My 25 Not-So-Random Musing (As Seen On Facebook)

It took me forever before I decided to finally get through with this. I thought my life was already an open book, so what's left to be said? Apparently, there are still some more...


1 When I was 4, I wanted to marry my kindergarten teacher's daughter and head off to Saudi Arabia to earn a living for my "new family". At 7, I had a dream that God was calling me to serve Him so I then wanted to be a priest. By the time I turned 12, I wanted to be President of the Philippines.

2 I should have been a doctor. It was my childhood dream and until now, sometimes I wish I were. My first course in La Salle was BS Human Biology, an accelerated course that only took 6 years for someone to graduate through med school, instead of the usual 10 or more. Right before first year med proper, I shifted to AB Broadcast Journalism without the knowledge of my parents. It was after all, what I really wanted to do in life. It was too late of a realization though, because it took me 7 crazy years through college. That's one year late compared to having the title that I would have gotten in the first place. Until now, I still bear the frustration of my old folks.


3 I despise how some Ateneans refer to their school as "The Ateneo". What is that?! I think that they are the most obnoxious people you can ever meet. And it's not because I'm a Lasallian. When I was in my senior year, I was accepted to all top 4 Philippine universities: UP, DLSU, ADMU, & UST. The choice was never hard for me. I chose "The" (De) La Salle. Animo!

4 I love to write. It is my passion. I believe it is my true calling. Weird thing is every time a good idea pops in my mind, I almost always don't have anything or anywhere to jot it down. And when I finally get the chance to sit in front of the computer, an array of images flash through my mind.. and then.. blackout. That's it. Idea's gone now.


5 I am a frustrated actor/celebrity/singer/model. I believe that if only I were taller, let's say by about 3-4 inches, then I would be it. I auditioned for PBB3 in 2007. Jose Sarasola was part of that audition, and look at where he is now. He was dating a friend of mine back then so we kinda stuck together at the auditions. Bad move! Of course, who would notice a regular guy like me beside a "Candy cutie"? But still, sometimes I dream of getting a phone call from PBB, asking me to come for an interview. And I already have the perfect audition piece in mind: "Exploit my story all you want, just make sure you make me into a household name."


6 I was one of the kids in the classic Cindy's commercial where a bunch of kids were playing, singing, and dancing to the tune of, "...palabok i-spaghetti, when you're hungry, Cindy's is the place to be..."


7 In 2006, I was a studio contestant in Game K N B?. I was working for GMA New Media, Inc. back then. I had to create a crazy excuse just so I can fly from this network to the rival camp and be on TV. I was eliminated because I couldn't answer an easy question even when I already answered a hard question correctly, prompting Kris Aquino to say, "Nakakasaaad.. bakit pag mahirap, nasasagot mo?".

8 Back in 2000, I attended ABS-CBN summer workshops. In one class, I was teacher's pet to our mentor, (tita) Ms. Abbie Arenas-de Leon. She couldn't start the class right until she sees me seated in front. There was one time when I was late for class and decided to just sit at the back. Tita Abbie stopped in the middle of discussion and finally asked me to transfer to the front row because she felt more "comfortable" with me right there. I could feel the piercing stares of my classmates while I did my walk. I was proud. Up until one on-cam activity, Tita Abbie told me that I'm perfect except for one thing: "You should lose 10 pounds more..." and I thought I was actually physically fit during that time!? Pride out of the window.


9 I have an on-and-off relationship with my weight. My most manorexic was at 119 lbs. and my most ginormous was at 183 lbs. I am now a little over the average. I just decided the other day to shed the excess off and pump those muscles, for the nth time hoping this time I succeed. I observe that I am at my fattest whenever I go through a "great depression". Problems bring me closest to gluttony.


10 Despite the seemingly confident, extrovert facade, I have a big insecurity issue. People think I'm just making a big drama of it, but I swear it's as real as it gets.

11 I only have three front teeth. I lost one when I lost my milk teeth. Turned out that two front teeth were actually one tooth with a split. Only one permanent tooth grew out to replace the two.


12 When I was in New York in 2006, I went to a go-see calling for "models of all ages, sizes, colors, or race" armed with my portfolio and a few photos from my slimmer days. It was New York City after all, where Carrie Bradshaw and Betty Suarez can both rule the world. The interview was a fairly good experience and I can say that it went quite well. I got a shock when I received a call the next day, from "your agent at Model Management, Inc." asking if I might be interested to be in a new indie film. "What is the part about?", I asked. I was to play a Chinese gangster in a film which stars HUGH JACKMAN, nonetheless. I was petrified! The aspiring director in me assessed myself and decided I was not the best guy for the part. In short, I turned down the best opportunity that ever crossed my showbiz dreams when others would have died for it! What a moron.


13 I stumbled upon a location shoot of Spider-man 2 while window shopping in SoHo. I was so excited to see a real Hollywood celebrity in action. Too bad it was a stunt double who was in the Spidey spandex. A month later, I was recounting the incident to a "familiar guy" I recognized in the lobby of the Bellagio in Vegas. It was Peter Parker himself, Tobey Maguire in the flesh.


14 After a night of wild partying in Manhattan, I fell asleep on the number 2 train deep into the end of Brooklyn. Barely 2 weeks of living in the city and I'm already a homeless drunk in the subway. All my friend could say the next day was, "You're a certified New Yorker now. Welcome to New York!"


15 For a Filipino who already experienced living on the other side of the world, believe it or not, I've never been to Boracay! So it is my lifelong goal that before I die, I would be able to set foot on the white sands of Boracay.. visit all corners of the Philippine archipelago.. then maybe travel around the world.


16 I do know that I have high alcohol tolerance. Take me to a drinking spree anywhere and I'd gladly shout kampai! Unfortunately, I lost a couple of important things in my life due to reckless partying and excessive booze consumption. That includes a cell phone, a few friends, and a job. Nevertheless, I still drink, though trying to keep it in moderation now.


17 I also have a high threshold for pain: physical and emotional. With that comes a great deal of wrath that can be unleashed at the wrong push of a button. Wrath because the word anger can never describe the way I want to make an offender suffer and bleed, literally, in my hands. But I do know how to contain it, and unleash it upon myself when I'm safely alone. I punch walls and kick whatever. Emotionally, I can kill myself. I keep all that is sad.. and painful.. and depressing.. in my heart for as long as I can. I need to feel numb, to feel dead, in order to forget.


18 I have a surreal fantasy to go on a killing spree. Some day, when I'm a powerful politician, I will pass a law that will allow me to drive around town and stop whenever I cross a reckless driver and shoot the m*therf*ucker's brain out. That is how much I hate those stupid drivers and Metro Manila traffic.


19 Ironically, I myself have a number of traffic-related accidents. I think of it as a string of bad luck that pushed me to name my first car "Jinx" due to the number of accidents I encountered with it ranging from the minor scratch here to a major cow collision there. Fortunately, there was never a single scratch or broken part on me.


20 Bumping my car into a cow is one thing I never imagined would happen to me. Running over a cat is a different issue. I fuck*n hate those creatures.


21 I am not a pet lover. When I was a kid, pets never really liked me, too. I had a dog.. and a rabbit.. and a goldfish.. and an eagle.. and they all died. I guess it was mutual. Even my Tamagotchi died.


22 Fcuk you, Peta. I can never be a vegetarian. I love red meat. l love steaks. I cook steaks for a living now. I secretly wish that my protein diet could actually beef me up.


23 In my line of work, I'm used to crossing paths with all kinds of celebrities here and there. But no one ever struck me the most until I met KC Concepcion, my ultimate dream girl. It was actually on two occasions. First, when JM Rodriguez introduced us at Embassy Cuisine where I just stared at her for a good 3 seconds with my mouth half open. Second, at Embassy Superclub this time when Ronald Malaya Pasion introduced me to her (again) but this time proudly saying that I'm his cousin. Best thing about it is they are close friends. Now I'm just waiting for the day that closeness would rub on me.


24 My ultimate checklist for a dream career: (1) make at least one full length film that would be remembered even when I'm dead. (2) write a personal memoir that would inspire people. (3) build a place ala Robert de Niro of TriBeCa fame that would serve as my legacy.


25 Of course, I can never not speak of L-O-V-E. I'm such a fool for it. I love the drama that goes with it. But this time, I think I'm gonna shut my mouth.


There you go. I never thought I'd ever finish until number 25. Well, I just did.


Absofuckinlutely,
HF

Rants of an Ubersexual Pinoy in These Frugal Times

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POWER TRIPPER


I admit. I am a vain man.

Just the other day, I was awakened by the irritating buzz on my doorbell. I struggled hard to ignore the asshole on the other side of the door. Talk about someone ruining your sleep especially after a whole night of partying. So I lazily opened the door just to be greeted by a most depressing news.

“Good Morning, sir”, smiled a guy in uniform bearing a familiar logo. “Puputulan ko na po kayo ng kuryente.”

“Ha?! Ano?” I heard myself saying, sounding more confused than panicked. “Kuya, pwede bang huwag n’yo nang putulan. Babayaran ko naman mamaya?”

“Sir, pakibayaran na lang po agad para ma-reconnect sa hapon.”

And so, just like that, my sleep was ruined. I found myself sitting on the new couch with my feet on the new coffee table, staring at the fashion editorial cutouts posted on my wall like works of art. I was thinking, contemplating real hard why I wasn’t able to pay the electric bill. Oh my. Did I just use the electricity money to pay for a new pair of Viktors?

I think it’s the Kapampangan in me. Everyone knows how fashionable the people of Pampanga are. Or maybe because I work in the media industry where people are supposed to be artistic and stylish. I don’t want to look like a trusted alalay to my celebrity friends. After all, I'm a young filmmaker-in-the-making, am I not? And with a New York training to boot.

Oh my fukken' gossip girl!! I miss New York City...

Nyarx?! Bakit dumilim? Okay...

PAKSHET KANG MERALCO KA!!!

Absofuckinlutely,
HF